Were there a Man on the Moon, I think I would offer to trade places with him. The way I figure it is, he's spent however many millennia up there waiting, or watching, or doing whatever he does, but no matter what it is, he's got to be pretty bored with it by now. Since technology is now in the place where a trip to the moon, while not exactly commonplace, is certainly not unheard of. NASA did have, after all, seventeen Apollo moon missions, five of them landing on the surface. If they did it, they could do it one more time, and not just for any reason, but to swap out the Man on the Moon. The way I see it, it's like the knight in the Last Crusade, they're stuck there, for however long, until someone comes to replace them but it's better than the movie because I doubt I'd have to fight them. Just think about all the things on Earth that they've watched but never really known.

So here I'd come, showing up in my moon-rover, bouncing over dunes in low gravity, and I see the guy so I try to make my entrance a little bit fancy by fishtailing just in front of him. Hopefully I'd have some practice driving so I don't underestimate things and take him out but do it with enough finesse that he lets loose a whistle and says, "Boy, you sure know how to handle that rig." I'd just nod and offer a ride on which I'd give him my pitch. He could go to Earth in my stead and I'd stay up there to keep the saying going. You can't, after all, not have a Man on the Moon.

I see only a few problems with this whole plan, aside from convincing NASA to set up a rocket for me. Perhaps the most pressing problem would be air supply. Clearly I couldn't have a regular supply ship showing up to drop off air. What if it's cloudy at Cape Canaveral? Will they be able to launch? Will I get it in time? This, as the new Man on the Moon, is not something I think I should have to worry about. Does the new president have to worry about whether or not Air Force One has enough gas? I think not, and it's pretty much the same issue. Maybe there's a secret that the previous moon occupant could share. A trick of the trade if you will. Does he just breath shallow? Maybe there's a way to avoid breathing all together. We're not talking about a post that's lacking in mystiological significance. I'd think anything is possible.

The second problem would lie with society today. Assuming I could get the Federal government to finance the whole thing, I bet I would still have to explain why it is me that is going over someone else. Why shouldn't a woman go? There has been a Man on the moon for as long as anyone can remember, maybe it's time to bust stereotypes. I can't say I disagree, however, this was my idea so that's why I ought to go. It's not personal, it's just that I want to be the one to trade places with the Man. If I had thought, and others agreed, okay, it's time to put someone new up, I would have agreed wholeheartedly that we should give a shot to a group of people who had never had that chance.

And what if he doesn't want to come down? What if all those years on the moon have made him afraid to deal with modern society? What if being the Man on the Moon has made him go mad with a sense of power. The knowledge that the moon is his and that as far as anyone knows there is no limit to the term of office. Could I force him down? Could I make him see that a nice retirement home in Florida is what he really needs?

Lastly, what about succession? Does the title bear with it a form of eternity granted to he who assumes it? If not, then surely it would be in everyone's best interests to come up with some line of succession. Is it hereditary? Would it be elected? Could it be appointed, and if so, by whom? These are questions that need to be answered before I assume my place in the heavens.

I never really knew what it was I wanted to do as a kid, but I feel like I've since gained a strange sense of purpose. I know what my life was destined for. My mother disagrees. She thinks that I'd get bored, but with all that's going on down on Earth, I have to say that I doubt watching it all from above would get old. I have to think it would be like cable, on crack. If I felt the need to stretch my legs, I know for a fact that they were did some golfing up there. All the rocket crew would have to do is leave me with a few clubs and I could hit balls all day. That doesn't sound so bad to me.