08.28.2008
Hey, kids.
So I'm out at my father's place in the East Bay of San Francisco, basically just taking a week and unwinding. It's rather nice, to be honest. I've been to the wine country and to a Giants game. All in all, it's been very relaxing.
And, of course, I've been writing.
I've been writing a fuck load, actually. Since I got out here on the twenty-second, I've managed to put down nearly ten thousand words into my novel idea. Things have been cranking.
It got me to thinking what makes a novel happen. (And this is the gist of the post.) And I think it's pretty basic. Now, given that I haven't gotten any published, take this with a grain of salt, but again, I think this is aimed mostly at people who are thinking about writing one and never have.
What's required to write a novel:
- An idea you really like.
- The time to execute this idea.
- Actually executing the idea in the time you have.
- The inclination to finish a project you start.
- And...
Actually... no "and". That's really it. People can talk about process and what you should or could do to execute a novel idea in a way that's both fancy and shmancy. But I'll tell you what. If you're not interested enough in the idea to write five hundred pages then assume no one is interested enough to read it. In fact, as you're writing it, assume no one but you is going to read it. This gets all the ideas of riches and fame out of your mind right away and lets you think about the important thing.
Finishing your novel.
Fuck... I was talking with my friends at the Fish Bar and I brought up the idea of starting a writer's guild that will verify with a laminated card that the card holder is, in fact, a writer and not just some poser claiming to be. Too many people claim to be writers without putting the work in.
Now, if you don't go out four nights a week because you're working on something... actually turning out product... then you're in. But if you just have "a great idea that [you're] exploring" fuck off and find some other way to pick up chicks because you're screwing it for the rest of us.
Look... I've never had a piece of fiction published. Nor have I had a novel published. But, man... if you're going to claim to be a writer and not put any time into it, go fuck yourself.
Being a writer is about a lot of time alone listening to whatever music will get you through the couple of pages you're aiming for that day in lieu of going out with friends. If you're in shape, have a tan, and claim to be writer... well... one of these things is not like the other. Yeah?
Don't look at fancy software, people. Don't go read books on how to write a book. Just fucking sit down with Word, or whatever, and writer the goddamned thing. It's more a marathon than a sprint. And all the software and help books and online forums won't help shit if you can't sit and string two words together for a couple of pages each day.
Is this a rant? Yes. Do I give a shit? No.
But you knew that.
I'm not saying that I'm better than everyone because I've written a book. But I am saying that I'm better than people who claim to be writers who haven't written one. And my first one was shit. The one I'm working on might be also. But fuck you posers because at least I've written them.
Yeah.
So, for you aspiring writers looking for a sure way to become the next who-gives-a-fuck... quit it, yeah? There is no recipe aside from writing and finishing something and then writing and finishing something new and repeating until something finally hits.
That's it. That's all there is.
And, I'll add this little note... If you fancy yourself a writer and you can't figure out how to plot something in the most basic way... stop writing.
Seriously.
If you stop writing, it'll increase the response times for my own rejections and maybe get me a few more personal rejections that mean something. And that's better for the world.
Again... seriously.
Because it's much better to have the editors spend their time responding to people who are actually working on the craft than people who dick around with it like the MG in so many father's garages but without dedicating the time or spending the energy to really work at it.
That's what I'm saying.
It's funny. I'm sitting here, thinking about the tone of this post and thinking about how bitter it must sound. And that's funny because I'm sooooo not bitter right now. In fact, I haven't felt this relaxed in a long, long time. And maybe it's because of that, that I'm tired of reading so much bullshit on other "writer's" blogs and feel comfortable calling them assholes.
Fuck you and the first novels you've been working on for ten years. Unless you're the second coming of J.D. Salinger, piss off. It's not a novel. It's a pick up line with five thousand words behind it. Don't give me shit about Word not being "creative" enough for you. Don't let me hear you say you're still working though plot points. And especially don't mention that you're still working on the main character's motivations. Because if that's the case, it's not even a novel yet. It's a fucking setting.
Yeah.
Ahem...
Still no word from Abyss & Apex on Skin. It's been out for over a hundred days (one hundred and ten, to be exact) so I'll let you know the second a rejection for it rolls on in. It'll be the third for this piece, just so you know...
But at least I finished it, suckas!
Yeah!
(Vacation may not suit my temperament... It's just occurred to me...)
So that's it, kids. I'll let you know when more news or missives pop into my head. In the meantime... the baseball season draws to a close. Go see a fucking game this year if you haven't already. There's a reason it's the national pastime, yeah?