05.30.2008
Well, people, that day has arrived. Yes, sir. The day when I've reached my Fiftieth Rejection. (Notice the capital letters?)
Damn! I'm almost giddy! Yes, I used the correct word. Fucking G-I-D-D-Y.
Today's been a late day for me. I just couldn't really get going. You know how it goes: Up late the night before - but not drinking... not really - slept late, showered even later... So by the time I finally left the house and returned, my mail was already here.
Now, for those of you who don't know, when you submit something via postal service, the magazine to which you've submitted requests a self-addressed stamped envelope in which to return your reply and/or manuscript. Because I've got some cash, I always mark my manuscript disposable and just include a letter sized envelope that I print up from my computer and attach a "forever" stamp on. I don't need the manuscript back because it's just as easy to print it up again - something I would have to do anyway if it didn't come back in pristine condition - and the postage for manuscripts tends to be a buck and a half or so.
Needless to say, it's pretty easy to tell when I have a rejection. First of all, they're the only envelopes I get in Courier New font and, secondly, they're the only ones where the return address is the same as the postal address and both happen to be mine. You see?
So when I checked my mail today, what did I find but two of those distinctive envelopes in my box.
I expected to receive one, that's for sure. I expected one from Fantasy & Science Fiction because they had an average return time of something like eight days. Asimov's, on the other hand, had an average of about thirty. So, given the date I sent them out, I was pretty sure I would get my Fiftieth Rejection from F&SF but thought that Asimov's might just slip in before my Thirtieth Birthday.
As it happens, the two magazines got back to me at exactly the same time.
This now leaves me in something of a conundrum: Which of the two was my Fiftieth Rejection? Was it Asimov's rejection of Rugged Individualists or F&SF's rejection of Matriarchy? Hmmm... it's a stumper...
Regardless of which one qualifies for the prize, this works out to be the second rejection for Matriarchy and the fourth for Rugged Individualists. In the scheme of things, it's actually a little disappointing that either of these stories makes number Fifty. I mean, both Ayla Athena and Drug Enforcement are beginning to push the double digits. I always figured it would be one of those two that would earn the "honor" of Five-Oh.
Also, because both of these rejections came from major magazines, both were form letters. You can see Fantasy & Science Fiction's and Asimov's elsewhere, so there's not even something new and witty to say about them.
Sigh...
Well... on to the party planning then, shall we?
I may have outlined my ideas for my Rejection Party, but here's what I'm looking at: First, it's going to be held at Fish Bar. I mean, of course it is. Fish is my favorite little bar. It's also cheap and I know all the bartenders, so this little shindig can pretty much take over the place for the duration. Second, I will read some of my favorite rejections but I'd really like it if those that show up bring a few of theirs as well. We're celebrating because of my Fiftieth Rejection but that's really only the start of it. I want this to be all about commiserating each other's failures. And lastly, no one should plan on leaving in any other state but absolutely shit faced.
What do people think? Drop me a line if you have any ideas. I'm thinking I might do this in the next couple of weeks. Also, if anyone has any additional ideas on how to make this the best Rejection Party of all time, please let me know.
And there you have it. Rejections number fifty and fifty-one are in. These are the sixteenth and seventeenth rejections for the year. I'm averaging about thirty-seven days per rejection, which is four days more than my lifetime average. I have two stories still out, so we'll see what we can do by the time I'm thirty, yeah?
Take care, kids. And I'll keep you updated on the party.