All day. Day in. Day out. I put on my shoes. I walk to work. I stop for two eggs and cheese on a roll with ketchup. I climb the stairs to my office at spudWorks, and I read email all day trying to think up a new way to bring spudWorks to the forefront of internet entertainment. My staff fears me. The press hates me. The intern won't even look in my eyes, and I find myself asking, "where's the love?"

I'm destroyed by this revelation. Where did I go wrong? Sure, we had a round of layoffs, but... doesn't everyone? And yes, it was found out that I had an enemies list and that they were the ones let go, but I really don't think that one little piece of paper could change so much.

I've heard my staff say that I've gone mad with power, and I don't think that what they are saying is entirely true. With power come benefits. Is that unfair? Some CEO's fly to work everyday and land on a helipad emblazoned with their monograms. Others have illicit affairs with junior staff members. Still more are known for cussing out the press for unflattering stories. I, proudly, am not one of any of those. But I have my quirks.

It is true, I do enjoy the occasional dog fight. I don't think that I can be blamed for the lack of space in the office that forces me to hold them in the cafeteria. And it is also true that some days I don't come to work. At all. But then, my depression is well documented and I am on a number of drugs to correct the situation. But one thing I will not justify is the way I address people over the intercom. I founded the company, and I will refer to myself and the position my employees have thereto however I please, be it God and Mortal, King and Serf, or Caesar and Egypt.

Why am I explaining myself? Because word of my "antics" have been leaked to the press by untrustworthy staff members, and I felt the need to set the record straight. You, my readers, are the most important thing to me, so please, know that I am not a tyrant. Know that, while I do have my inconsistencies, you are what matters most and that I would never do anything to spudWorks to jeopardize your entertainment.

- Colin Ferm
MAIL this to a friend. They'll thank you for it later.