Subject: cake review
reading your review of comfort eagle i find it hard to believe that you actuall get paid to do this. ill come right up front
and say that i am a cake fan but even looking at your review objectively it is obvious you don't listen to the lyrics of cake
nor know about what type of a band they are.
first off, you imply that cake is some sort of cousin of the early 90's grundge bands. you dont really give any explanation
for that so ill assume you have none that is intelligible. yes both cake and the grundge bands are pissed off, but who
isnt. cake isnt trying to fight the establishment their trying to make a room for themselves so they can make music and do
it full time. they havent come to bring the sword so to speak. grundge was angry, edgy music that had a constant
undercurrent of "fuck you and fuck your establishment" if there is one undercurrent to cakes music it's an
anti-hubris/deflate the ego. there's a difference and it shines in the music.
second you complain that cake wrights about things they know nothing about, such as being an austrian noble-man, you my
friend are a thick headed idiot. being an austrian noble-man isnt the point of the song, the song is about obsession and
once again hubris, being an austrain noble-man just gives it interesting twist. no where in that song do they make
references to anything endemic to austria. you also seem to have some qualms with the addition of a casio keyboard being
added to the first song, Opera Singer. once again i am baffled at how thick headed you are. Hubris my friend, what better to
make light of a person who lives in pomp and ego then to describe them in sound using a ten dollar casio keyboard. and no,
no one in cake is an opera singer.
quite frankly i found your review to be rather sloppy and cynical, almost like you wrote it after you rolled out of bed
after a hard night of drinking.
kyle toomey
Dear Sir,
I take from your lack of punctuation, with the exception of your fantastic
use of the almighty period, and your fear of capital letters that you are
either twelve years old or simply illiterate. Either way, do know that you
have my pity. If you are young, I pity that one day you may grow up and
discover that many of the bands you now worship at the alter of are
nothing more than hacks who have failed upwards in a pattern very
consistent with the majority of the music industry. If you are older, I
pity that you never learned how to read. I know some people find it funny,
but I am not one of them. I think it is just sad.
Now, onto more important things. Firstly, I would never charge for any of
my writing. As I live on a trust fund of sizable proportions, I have no
need to do anything quite as ghastly as expecting money for words that I
merely arrange on paper. This is a lucky thing as the site on which you
read my review does not pay for anything printed on their fine
pages. Secondly, I think your claim that I do not "understand" Cake or
"listen" to their lyrics is just plain insulting. Not only have I used my
own money to purchase all four albums of theirs but I have spent many an
hour enjoying their fine instrumentalism. That I do not like their current
incarnation means nothing more than the fact that the fourth time is in
fact not the charm. Thirdly, grunge is spelled without a "d." I would say
that this is a common misperception but I am afraid that it is not.
I don't know whether you actually read the review that I wrote on Cake,
but had you, you would have seen that I compared Cake to the grunge
movement to show that Cake was not grunge but an "antidote to those angry
guys up in Seattle." This is not a good thing or a bad thing. I was merely
pointing out that they were different. Personally, I like both grunge and
Cake but for different reasons.
I have put in a call to my family lawyer to see if your claim that I am
a "thick headed idiot" is libel and, should he come back with an
affirmative, you should expect to be contacted. Though I was highly
offended by your statement, I will respond anyway. I would believe you
that "Symphony in C" and "Opera Singer" were metaphors for other things if
they had not been so terrible. Too many connecting lines were drawn for it
to be graceful which resulted in it sounding like a recitation from
McCrea's edition of the World Book Encyclopedia. Also, nowhere did I
reference a "Casio keyboard." I believe I referred to a "drum machine" and
any insinuation that it added something to the music would be ill informed
and reveal an astounding lack of taste.
The simple fact that you argue the facts in my review simply prove that
you are nothing but an uncultured peasant who does not know his place. I
would suggest that before you try competing and insulting your betters
next time with an uninformed opinion, you try taking a step back and
realizing that in ten years no one is going to care about who or what Cake
was besides a tasty, if sugary, pastry. They may be slightly entertaining
now but is it worth the insulting and tasteless letter that you wrote to
me? Should you request it, I will send you a list of other musical groups
far more worthy of your lapdog loyalty.
I assume I will not have future correspondence with you again, and though
I am far from saddened by this revelation, I would be interested in a
communication that involves reason, intellect, and far less womanly
passion. Be a man, sir.
His Lordship,
Colin Ferm
MAIL this to a friend. They'll thank you for it later.
