Reprinted from the Sunday December 16th edition of the New York Daily News

NEW YORK – spudWorks President Colin Ferm made accusations Friday to the effect that all of California is involved in various terrorist organizations and should be sunk into the Pacific Ocean. Citing various "secret but informed" sources, Ferm declared that his information was enough to indict, if not convict, the entire state.

"California has never really fit in with the rest of the Union," Ferm was quoted as saying at a press conference that included outgoing Mayor Guliani and Governor Pataki. "I think we now know why."

Charges include, but are not limited to, Anti-American Propaganda, Conspiracy to Commit Terrorism, Civil Rights Infringements, and the City of Davis.

"Only an un-American state would forbid someone from being able to smoke cigarettes," Ferm said. "You can even smoke in China for fuck's sake, but not in California."

The Bush Administration Press Secretary Ari Fleitcher had no comment except, "We will look into these charges and determine the best course of action."

Administration insiders say that the President and several other highly ranked officials tend to agree with the report prepared by members of Ferm's staff and agree with his plan citing a general dislike for the state following the 2000 Presidential election.

Ferm, however, hails from the Golden State; born in San Diego and raised in San Francisco's East Bay before moving to New York in 1999. SpudWorks insiders who asked not be identified said that the impudence behind the report stemmed mainly from the fact that Ferm dislikes going home for the holidays.

"Last year he cried like a baby for a week straight before going home," said one anonymous source.

"He likes to smoke and that's a hard thing to do in California," said another.

When asked about a potential conflict of interest, Ferm said, "That's got nothing to do with it. These people are evil, pure and simple. Everyone's looking for bin Laden in Afghanistan but has anyone thought to look in LA?"

Los Angeles Mayor James Hahn refuted Ferm's claim stating that Ferm was "nothing more than a self hating Californian."

In other news, Ferm has recently purchased wide swaths of land in Arizona along the California border. Insiders say that he refers to it as "beach front property."