The following was received the morning of August 12th, 2001. What follows is Mr. Ferm's reply.

Dear Mr. Gaines,

I thank you for the time you took to write such a personal email to a complete stranger. It's rare that someone touches me like your email did me. Frankly, I was so touched that I'm considering reporting you to the police for it.

My mother once said, and I don't want to get to personal here, that I should know a stranger before letting them touch me and frankly, Tom, I don't know you at all. Your employee ID number will be most useful in tracking you down, so for that I want to thank you.

Aside from the legal issues at hand, I would also like to decline your kind services. If you had really seen my resume, you would know that I now work for myself and a little company I started with a couple of good friends. Also, I want to say that I find your use of exclamation points to be overboard. While I understand that you're paid to be excited while composing such wonderful prose, I, on the other hand, am not paid to such while reading it. Please keep that in mind before future correspondence.

Anyway... When the cops show up at your door, please say hi for me. They've proven to be good friends and even better listeners.

You pal,

Colin